Stressed up, exams coming

Hey yeah, I'm back to my secret garden again. Okay, it's study week and few more days to go to final exams. I'm stressed up. The only person who can makes me feel more comfortable is YOU! Without any reason, I just feel secure to be by your side. You helped me passed through sem 1 and sem 2 study weeks, but what about sem 3? I have been trying so many ways but still, I'm stressed up. And the worst thing is I couldn't feel your care. Indeed, everyone is having Christmas holidays, still I'm staying in hostel, living alone, studying alone, eating alone. I did everything alone and for this moment, I just need a call from you asking whether I have had my meal.

Waiting waiting and waiting. No call, no text, GREAT! What can I do? Take your phone and text myself?
It's too bad to be alone. Sometimes, I think I'm not single, but I'm always available. Just because you are always not around. It would be great if someone can make my day with a simple joke and I hope that person would be you.

Saw a quote like this: I could be tough; I could be strong; but with you, I'm not at all. Take good care of me, I'm not as strong as you think I can live alone without you!

对不起。

很高兴，今天听到朋友们都得到了自己想要的大学继续深造。可是当我听到一个好朋友要去sabah UMS 时，我的心里有那么一丝丝的不舍和伤心。虽然嘴上一直说sabah 有多好，但是毕竟我心里，还是舍不得。

半年前，我发现我和这个好朋友的感情越来疏远。当时很心痛，也很慌，不知该如何补救。很多身边一伙的朋友兼同学都说是我的错。我挺固执，也和爱面子，打死都不觉得是我有错在先。说的也是，我又何错之有呢？我走我的人行道，你过你的独木桥，毕业后当然各自各奔前程。难道，去了离家乡较远的地方继续求学就叫背叛友情吗？是，我那朋友是有点温室小花，也有点霸道。而我的性格却比较硬朗，可是这并不代表凡事都得我让步呀！人，可是有个限度的。搞成这种地步，我想两个人都有责任。


我和她的友情真是退了一大截。她，不再跟我聊心事，不再跟我诉苦，不再跟我抱怨，不再跟我分享。虽然偶尔放假回家，大家还是会出来聚一聚，可是我面对她，难免有一些尴尬。她现在有个蓝粉知己-志谦。我和志谦也算要好，但不知怎么的，感觉他还是会偏站在她那一边。而我的两个蓝粉知己，自从有了女朋友后，就重色轻友，鲜少理我了。连男朋友对我的抱怨及诉苦也只是敷衍带过。我觉得自己好像被抛弃的小孩，没人要了。


就在我一直觉得大家都不谅解我的时候，知道了这个好朋友要去那么远的地方求学，我才顿悟自己错了。我终于能够将心比心，了解被好朋友“抛下”的感觉。当初，我选择去吉隆坡升学；她决定留在家乡报读中六。就因为这三百多公里的路程，渐渐也把我们的友情拉远了。她觉得我丢下她，喜新厌旧结识了新的朋友；我觉得她不谅解我。毕竟，我一个人到了人生地不熟的环境，缺乏安全感，当然得先建立自己一个新的交友圈子，所谓：出外靠朋友。因为这样，也没什么时间特地找她联系。也许，我是自私了。


现在，我终于能够体会她的感受。是我错了。我无法一时间兼顾太多事情，我以为我们的友情就算不用经常联系，也可以保持着那么友好。朋友，还是需要联系，告诉自己的近况，联络一下感情。现在才来补救是否晚了一些呢？我相信一切都会好起来的，虽然可能无法再像以前那么要好，但是希望至少可以免除尴尬。如果再给我一次选择的机会，我还是会做同样的事情。我没有后悔，只是觉得愧疚。只能在心里想她说声对不起。昔日的友情依然在我的记忆里。

Facebook is definitely a drug like cocaine which makes us addict

Writing this in a damn bad mood.
Alone in the room, being ffk by someone, and the worst thing is that fcuking facebook is down.
So frustrated right now!!!!
Without facebook, I seems to be losing the whole world.
I can't communicate, can't post status, and can't even click like on those status!
Oh man, what kind of world will it be without facebook?

Lonely~ I'm so lonely~ I have nobody~ All on my own~
This is the best song I should sing right now.
Oh my dear facebook, why you are down in this critical moment?
What should I do? I'm so lost.
I used to tell people that I'm not addict to facebook at all.
But the truth is I CANT LIVE WITHOUT FACEBOOK!

曾经拥有

假如人生不曾相遇，我還是那個我，偶爾做做夢，然後，開始日復一日的奔波，淹沒在這喧囂的城市裡。 我不會了解，這個世界還有這樣的一個你，只有你能讓人回味，也只有你會讓我心醉。

一直以為幸福在遠方，在可以追逐的未來。後來才發現，那些擁抱過的人，握過的手、唱過的歌、流過的淚、愛過的人、所謂的曾經，就是幸福。

有個懂你的人，是最大的幸福。這個人，不一定十全十美，但他能讀懂你，能走進你的心靈深處，能看懂你心裡的一切。最懂你的人，總是會一直的在你身邊，默默守護你，不讓你受一點點的委屈。

人生不在乎天长地久，只在乎曾经拥有。

This proven that you're not a gay

Heard a good news from my friend who is far away from Malaysia.

Finally he found his first 'very good' friend in his life.

But, I was being very selfish. I didn't congrats or wish him in his new relationship.

I told myself that I have to, I have to wish him because he is my best friend.

I'm suppose to share his happiness.

No matter how, I just couldn't say the words of blessing to him.

At that moment, my heart and my mind wasn't the same.

What a contradiction. Haha...

Actually, it is the heart controlling the mind or the mind controlling the heart?

One thing I can't deny is his 'very good' friend is nice looking. How lucky is he. =)

I think, anyone who become his 'very good' friend will be very very 'xing fu'.

Anyhow, he's a good guy (since no one has seen his bad side YET). lol

Collapsed mind

Whenever I feel stress, I cry.

Whenever I feel lonely, I cry.

Whenever I feel sad, I cry.

Maybe for sometimes, I cry for no reason.

Exam, stress, unhappiness....

Can you guys just stay away from my life?

Feel like want to give up now.

Thinking of those days, I have been trying

so hard just to get in here.

Sitting for MUET, SPM and many many

small test. And now, I'm still here.

Why am I thinking of giving up?

I feel so stress that no one could understand.

I'm afraid I couldn't handle it well.

I'm afraid I'll disappoint everyone who cares

about me.

I keep telling myself that I CAN I CAN I CAN DO IT!

But for this moment, my mind controlled me.

I have to face the reality. Exam is coming, stress as well.

Can I cry on your shoulder like a little girl?

Can I just don't bother everything at this moment?

I want to share my feelings with you.

Please support me, mentally. You are my pillar.

I feel helpless.